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My Daughter the Fart App

August 1, 2013

Since the advent of smart phones, no app has been more ubiquitous than the fart app.  My 15 year old self would complain loudly about how these darned kids take their high tech flatulence for granted.  What did we have?  Whoopy cushions and armpit farts!

I had all 3 kids to myself for a couple hours tonight since my wife’s SAHM overload light started to flash, so she went out shopping, which apparently brings her SAHM gauge back to something slightly less than red.

Shortly after Sarah woke up from a short slumber, she began her fussy routine.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I decided to take a no holds barred approach to her gas pains.  I gave her a dose of gas drops, then bounced and shooshed her for a bit, no change.  After 10 minutes, I gave her another dose.  Repeat bouncing and shooshing.  No change.

I then remembered my baby 101 and put her in her changing table to try cycling her legs.  The older kids gathered around as they ALWAYS do.

As she laid down, looking up at me, obviously in distress, I grabbed her legs and bent her in half.

<FART>

“She Farted!” -Jack Jr

“Ha Ha, Fart” – Kaylee

I did it again.

<Bigger Fart>

Giggles.

I did it again

<Fart, Fart>

Wow, this is working great.  Let’s try again

<FART>

Giggles have now turned to laughter

And again

<fart>

In between the laughing “That was a little one” – Jack Jr
“Yeah, little one.” – The parrot, I mean, Kaylee

“Do it again!!!!” – Kaylee

I did

<Fart>

Now we are laughing hysterically.

And it just…kept…going.  I started counting late, and we hit 21 farts for 21 Sarah folds in a row before it stopped working.  All the while Jack and Kaylee are egging me on to do it again.  We are all laughing our arses off, while Sarah just sat there, blankly looking up at us, oblivious to the joy she was providing us all.

That’s my adorable daughter, as reliable as a well-written fart app.  Thanks sweetie!

If you have a good fart story, let it out in the comments below, it’ll be a relief.

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