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A Birth Story – Part 1

November 4, 2014

“I’d like you to go in for an ultrasound next week as the baby is measuring pretty large.”

I never missed a checkup during my wife’s first pregnancy.  To say I was completely in the moment would be a massive understatement.  We were in the “appointment every week” stage, somewhere around 37 weeks.  The doctor pushed around on my wife’s stomach and declared that he could feel the head facing down and had us push on my son’s butt near my wife’s chest.  He then wrote us a prescription for a second ultrasound to get a more exact size.

I was giddy.  I get to see the baby again 😀

A week goes by and we head into the ultrasound place.  My hopes were dashed a bit as the tech said we wouldn’t see much because the baby is too big (this seems pretty obvious now since the paddle obviously can’t zoom out to the whole stomach).

My wife, at times, becomes…talkative.  This is greatly exacerbated when she is nervous.  So as the tech is scanning the top of my wife’s stomach close to her chest (where my son’s butt was supposedly sitting), my wife was busy rattling on about what the doctor said.

“He said the baby is head down and was able to feel him down there, and he said his butt is where you are looking right now, I am glad he is head down…”

Meanwhile I am looking at the screen at what was, without a doubt, a head and it most certainly was NOT down.  When my wife finally left some open air, the tech dropped the news.

The baby was breach, and was huge which would almost certainly rule out any kind of inversion.  We were having a c-section. While this was far from being the worst news parents ever got, it left us feeling cheated.

We weren’t going to have an interesting birth story.  I wasn’t going to get my chance to make a ton of mood-lightening jokes.  No middle of the night vending machine runs during the marathon birthing session.  No threats about how the misery she was in was all my fault.  No cutting the cord.

And worst of all…no Bill Cosby Himself references.  I was going to buy salad spoons and pull them out at just the right time, just after my Johnny Bench impression.  When the doctor declared he saw the head, I was going to tell him “Well go get it!”  And I was going to do my best manly breathing “ZIFF WOOF WOOF WOOF, PUUUUSH..PUUUSH!!!”

But..there would be none of that.  We felt like and still feel like we missed out on a life experience that we will now never have.

But, there were some perks to a scheduled c-section.  First, we got to pick our son’s birthday.  We had 3 choices, and we went with November 19th, which just so happened to be my dad’s birthday.  It also worked out best for my vacation time cause it landed around Thanksgiving.  We also didn’t have to deal with her being past her due date.

In the days leading up to the c-section we decorated our house for Christmas.  We cleaned the house top to bottom, probably the last time it was ever that clean.  We had our bags packed, we made and froze some food, and actually found ourselves bored waiting for the baby (certainly the last time we were ever bored).

The night before the c-section, we watched Wall-E.  We were quiet, as usually happens right before a major event.  We had talked daily about how our life will change, how amazing it will be to have a little baby to hold, and even about what kind of parents we wanted to be.  But by the night before, we had nothing else to say.  We just couldn’t wait to hold our little boy for the first time.  At least, that is all I thought about.

Later I found out my wife was extremely nervous, nearly terrified, of being cut open.  I regret not realizing that as I would have liked to ease her worry.  But such is life.

Continue to A Birth Story Part 2…

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